As it turned out, we never knew each other

As it turned out, you and I never knew each other. Though you did once free from a heavenly coma My soul. It waited meekly Until, after hard work and the toilet, And still, despite all the weariness in your body, You'd leave the seed in the soil, not spilling it on the bed… At that point the family was raising a sapling, And a heart, once conceived, kept on beating, For far longer than a few seconds… But the Lord took pity, implanting a shunt for a while — The muscle, switched on, kept contracting.. So that three years on it could hold a baby brother.. Fifteen years later, by an eyewitness's account, I found out by chance — there could have been a little sister… There was severe toxicosis. And Mum was scared. Little sister, forgive us that you're not with us. A thought pierced me — Dad, did you know? Silence is golden… oh Lord Jesus… Either you knew and trudged through life with it. Or else you didn't — and now you're buried… Yesterday you were gone.. and it got sad. I don't flatter, don't lie, though feelings get in the way. We lived apart. I, taking your health, Your hairiness and a son's devotion, Left the world where the stone faces Of our own people will pray for us. My older one looks into them now, digging up the earth. May the earth rest light; don't wake them, let them doze on. You were restless, you tasted life. You acted brave for others. But to me you're a coward. You couldn't admit, even to yourself, you weren't a family man And how could you be — in your own you were nobody's, Unwanted, dumped on random not-fathers. Did anyone in your whole life ask — so how are you doing? Fed, and in khaki — those are only parts. But were you whole inside? And did you meet your happiness?… I'm so sorry the serpent sank its fangs into your throat And made you pour the poisoned swill Into such a healthy, uncracked vessel. You were broken by the lice that suck blood, For among them there wasn't one decent friend. Only she, after years of fear, Got tired and gave up. She had the right. Only then did you understand — the fun was over. Game over. No more chances. You lost. Your own dear Sveta. She went on ahead, leaving everything there was. And there were twenty years — but the current washed them away. Now we're on our own. It's hard without hints. And life looks like none of the fairy tales You used to tell yourself and strangers… Farewell, Dad. We're here… grieving and remembering…