I Walked to You a Long Time, Not Knowing If I Should

I walked to you a long time, not knowing if I should. Split my will into shares. Time into zeros. I ran from you a long time. And now we've grown closer. I bow before you as low as I can.. not because I behaved shamelessly. But because, mutely despising the majority, I'm ready to be a lone wolf, or a wandering rishi, Just to forget the shameful kinship With this mass that only sleeps and breathes.. Not accepting it all - pushing you away… Proving to everyone: I'm here, and I'm there too. I'm instead of you, I came out better in the mug… Uneasy…and you watched it all, grieving, Loving, hoping, believing I'd see the light after all… We weren't acquainted for so many years! Well… not personally, at least. All sorts came by, dragged me into "high society". And you know, I was doing great as it was. There's a place where by the beaten path You just can't get through. Though it's plain as your palm. You'd think it's only a hand's reach away. Only who'll reach out a hand — yours is nowhere to be seen… Fine. Not one bit hurt. With annoyed spite — well, look at him! And again, as always, all on my own - snide, under my breath. Strained bile pours through the teeth. And so it happened - the talk of the town, You always were all that I wanted to burn, But kept on searching within the bounds of reason. And you know - yooou of all know! - more often found. But every single time it was as if not quite.. Having given a hundred lives - you swallowed them. But I kept asking, working overtime. You smile, looking into my insides. And in the morning I talk to you like a friend. From heaven you're glad to tears at my countless strainings. From me a prayer - and from you a bucket of love. The kind that foams, so the joy, ear to ear, Would run down the skin in a white mustache. I'll come down from a forty-story stone To hand out your smile to passers-by, just like that. On my way to you I grabbed whoever I could. Some XO, and some Araspel. To those who've heard about your mighty will - I honestly handed over all the safe houses and possible passwords. I'll get there, don't worry, just you keep shining. It's no distance at all - I'm already on my way. I'm not alone - with you we're not alone. Have mercy, Lord, save and preserve..